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I was born a hungry, naked, white, English, male baby who even at the time was hung like a donkey. After years of shitting my nappies and pissing on the kitchen worktops in a failed attempt to aid my mum with the washing, I developed a fascination. This fascination was the music of Rock n' Roll.

At the age of 5, I packed my stuff and ran away from home. With a fake passport which I stole from a fake fake passport dealer, I snuck onto a ship as a stow-away. Half way through the journey, it suddenly struck me that I didn't really need that pissing passport, so I used it as emergency toilet paper.

When I arrived, I was dead. The End.

p.s, Here's a picture of Stephen Fry. All hail the Sex God!